Lately I’ve been kind of a workout freak. It’s kind of strange because I’ve never actually liked working out, especially not at the gym.
Something about being confined in a musty, stuffy building, using the same machine that someone just dripped sweat all over, while a guy in spandex shorts with veiny, muscled arms as big as my waist stares at my jiggly ass on the Stairmaster just did not appeal to me one bit.
In fact, it still doesn’t appeal to me. But I’ve been going every day.
And yesterday the monthly fees finally became worth it.
It was a rough day. In addition to all the stuff that’s been going on lately, I found out a close family member was dying. I don’t deal with death well, not at all. My head was spinning with terrible thoughts. Everything was just too much.
I needed to clear my head. And it was kind of strange because the first thought in my head wasn’t drugs or alcohol. It was to go running.
I threw on a baggy t-shirt and some shorts, laced up my shoes and hauled ass over to the gym. I pulled into the parking structure way fast, and parked so badly I was taking up two spots. I handed the guy my pass and flew up the stairs to the treadmills, hoping nobody would see that I was on the verge of tears. I put on my headphones, and set my iPod to blast Girl Talk as loud as it could. I got my shit situated so nothing would fall down and fly off and hit someone like last week. And then I ran.
I ran the first mile too fast. My thoughts were racing and so I was I. I was probably running so fast to try to get away from them, but the always caught up. I started thinking about anything and everything as I put one foot in front of the other over and over.
And as I hit mile number two everything clicked. All of the thoughts that I had been trying so hard to get out, to organize and process, to understand. All of a sudden it all made sense.
I felt this tremendous, burdening weight being lifted off my shoulders as the revelations poured in. I stopped the treadmill, turned off my iPod and picked up my cellphone.
“I get it now. I really did love you, and I always will. Thank you for everything. Goodbye.”
And that was it. I walked out of the gym with a big, dumb grin on my face. I got in my car and blasted my favorite songs all the way home and sang off key and smiled at every stranger that looked my way.
I’m starting to find my peace. I’m letting go. Things are going to work out.