Another year gone. I’m another year older.

19 was good to me. I did more growing up then I thought I would ever have. It’s so crazy to even think about where I was at this time in my life just one year ago. So much has changed, and everything is different.

The only thing that was the same? Saying goodbye to Brigid. Only this time we said goodbye as completely different people, filling new, different roles in each other’s lives.

I spent the entire last year of my life trying to make relationships work. Three separate relationships with three people who I loved deeply. I don’t regret any of it. I have so many wonderful memories. I’m so thankful to those people for helping make me who I am today.

And today I’m done looking back. I’m going to keep making progress. I want to move towards growth and growth only.

I’m sitting at the airport in Portland waiting for my plane. I’m terrified to be back in San Diego. I’m absolutely scared to go back and be forced to face the place where I got my heart broken. I spent the last week hiding a thousand miles away, trying to escape the heartache. Now I’ve got to get back to the life I’ve left in shambles. I can’t hide forever.

I’m going home, just a little bit different than I was a week ago. While my head isn’t clear, I did a lot of thinking. I did some growing.

But the biggest change? I entered my twenties.

So long, 19. I gave being a teenager a good run. Now it’s time to get back in business and continue with this new chapter of my life.

And even though I say this every year? This year is gonna be a big one.

My plane is taking off in a half hour. I’m ready to go home.



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5 responses to “Nineteen/Twenty

  1. Happy Birthday, Xelia. I think it’s been pretty amazing to watch your grow and change on flickr, and now even more so that you’re opening up and writing more.

    Here’s hoping that you get the big year you’re dreaming of.

  2. Shannon

    Being able to love three people in a year is amazing to me. I had my heart broken almost a year ago (June ’08) and have yet to recover. Being able to move on and push forward like you do is a great thing, so keep at it. I’m still trying to learn.

  3. Megan (merry prankster)

    I hope things start getting easier and you can enjoy your 20th year!! We will be in San Diego monday-wednesday so call or SMS us if you need to party or just talk 🙂

  4. Zelie

    Happy birthday, even though I’ve said that already on flickr and twitter.

  5. FS

    Nice positive conclusion. I just had to face that this year is gonna be big, too. Wish you all the best!

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