(view on flickr – in Portland my morning coffee was generally replaced by Miller High Life)
I’ve come to realize that I am such a creature of habit. No matter where I’m at or what I’m doing I have a sort of routine.
A few months ago in my old relationship there were definitely routines, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. In the morning we would grab a bagel and then head over to Starbucks to get a cup of coffee. The place where we ate them was usually different, but that was still just what we did in the mornings. And usually the night ended with us at a coffee house, sitting and talking with friends until the place closed. Then we would get in bed together in time to watch Family Guy and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
In some way I feel like those things that I loved to do so much are kind of tainted now… I can’t bring myself to do nearly any of those things that were so normal to me both before and during that relationship without feeling a strange sort of ache in the pit of my stomach. It’s not even a longing feeling, because I don’t miss those people at all. I don’t wish I was still doing the same things with people who are still going to be in the same place for the rest of their lives. Maybe it’s a silly little form of nostalgia that I feel when I do things that coincide with the old. I have some great memories, but now it’s all a part of my past and I don’t miss it one bit.
I would love to be able to get a bagel and a cup of coffee without thinking about the gal that broke my heart. It was all those simple things that I found myself missing the most.
But I was forced out of that routine. I had to get out of it. I had to get over it.
I developed new routines that I made my own.
I make myself a cup of coffee in the morning. I drag myself outside with my coffee, my laptop and a pack of cigarettes and I think and write. My nights are always unpredictable, but I enjoy always having my time in the morning simply for me.
Old habits die hard. I learn this again and again and again. My old routine was hard to break but now that I’ve actually done it? I’m coming to terms with everything. I feel great.
I no longer eat ice cream on Tuesdays, and I’m just fine with that.